NEW: Cannon et Ball paints

We’ve entertained ourselves with pretentious paint names before on HomeShoppingSpy. Ah, how we laughed. Well, I did. Probably alone. Who can forget Nacho Cheese (minging yellow), Celebrity (fake tan orange), or Dead Salmon (’nuff said)? Well, today I am thrilled to announce some exclusive news: there’s a new paint collection on the horizon and it’s the best I’ve ever seen. The Cannon et Ball range (not to be confused with any other famous paint brand, of course…) launches on March 1st.

It’s the latest creation from Siecle paints genius, Simon March. (Simon runs a very cool shop in East Dulwich, called COLOUR MAKES PEOPLE HAPPY, where he sells 60 gorgeous paint colours and, randomly, wooden Dutch clogs. Read more about that, here, or pick up our April issue. But that’s by the by.)

Shown here, hot off the press: “I thought I told you to wait in the car” – a pale grey, and “No Moral Value” – a hot, juicy coral. Elsewhere on the card, there’s a suspiciously familiar purple colour called “You’re taking the Liberty” – and a bright green (shown below on one of the afore-mentioned random wooden Dutch clogs) which is the first paint on the card and called: “Here begins the logic”…

Oh, how I’d love to paint my walls with “Easy to apply with a brush”, or “Difficult to explain in words”… those in the know (AKA interiors geeks) will pick up on subtle references to well-known paint cards and their, erm, marketing prose! My favourite Cannon et Ball names include: “Dog’s breath”, “I resent that snide remark”, “Get a room”, and “The colour with no name. (Barry).” Simon’s love of ‘period’ collections and paint companies who claim to be ‘historical’ is reflected, too, in his shade: “A room may have been this colour in the past.”

With names such as: “Accept me as something that works. (Magnolia)”, “Let it go, Doug”, “Though they did have a pile of sausage rolls” and “How can I take my work seriously when I myself don’t like it”, the Cannon et Ball collection is bound to be a massive hit. Each paint will be £34 for 2.5l, available from Siecle as from 1st March – Simon’s tying up the colour cards with butcher’s twine as I type. The best thing about all of this is: the fun never ends – every time somebody asks you what colour your beautiful hallway is, you’ll smile, as you reply with the truth: “I will not dignify that with an answer”. – Ellie